Not My Spider-Man!

Written by Andy Gills

Spiderman has never been portrayed well on the big screen.

The Spiderman that I like is angsty, angry and makes fun of fat people.

Spider-Man encourages a healthy lifestyle

The Spider-Man I really really like is from a comic called Ultimate Spiderman. It takes place in an alternate universe from the main Marvel storyline.

Written by the Kingpin

It's a period piece on post 9/11 America, and it talks about heavy topics like national surveillance, and racism with mutant phobia. The angst that Peter has is so good, and this is accentuated by what I think is the best New Yorker accent that has been given to the sensible spider. In the movies, you can tell Spider-Man is British.

Peter being a jerk adds a lot of depth to his character. It highlights the stress of being a teenager and a superhero at the same time. Sometimes, we all feel the urge to say our intrusive thoughts. Peter acts as a vehicle for the readers to feel some sort of catharsis for letting their inner thoughts out.

This Peter isn’t afraid to make fun of someone’s disability

Onto a tough subject… Mutantphobia is something that you may not understand quite yet due to the fact that you haven't perhaps read Ultimate spider man

(Kudos to you if you have you can skip ahead).

In the ultimate universe the humans are assholes, much like real life. Not like the regular world, but if we portray politicians as the hero in the comics we would also soon realize they are as fake as the gods that are inscribed on the scribe of the world.

In some cases mutant phobia is justified like how Magneto flooded New York City with water and killed millions of people. Imagine your loved ones being killed by a man wearing a bucket helmet?

I mean come on!

Imagine a world where Professor X is dead, Daredevil dead, the wasp dead (eaten by the blob) all dead from the hands of magneto. Marone.

My own research suggests humans taste like pork. Maybe mutants taste more like chicken.

I digress…

Spider man 1 peter is a crybaby:

Amazing spiderman… amazingly bad:

MCU spiderman, more like Iron Boy:

Spider-Man is cool because he’s just like me, and maybe just like you. Whenever I see Spider-Man in the movies, I always think “that’s not me on the screen.” But when I read Spidey in the Ultimate comics, I feel like I would also make fun of fat people if I was confronted with the same problems.

I mean Tom Holland ain't even italian, if you’re gunna come from the land of the sauce at least have the chords to back it up!

Ultimately (pun intended) we just have to accept the Spidey in the movies is not as good as he is in the Ultimate comics. Maybe the world just is not ready for an angry web head. Or maybe we’ll get a good movie Spider-Man in phase 9 of the MCU.

What do you think? Do you enjoy the Spider-Man from the movies? Or are you a real fan?