Paul Simon "SHOCKED" After Seeing Bob Dylan's Ball Sack!

thescuzzteam
Apr 15, 2024
4 min read

While it might sound like a bookend to his career, it’s more of a bridge over troubled water between the two stars in question. The late singer and song-writing legend, known for his complete and total contribution towards the critically acclaimed duo “Simon and Garfunkel”, Paul Simon, has recently reached out to Scuzz News with an insider scoop on another famed legend’s balls - he prefaced the interview with: “You can tell the world”

While some might believe the 82 year old would be spending his final days reminiscing the good times, he came to us on Wednesday Morning at 3 AM to spill the beans on something even we couldn’t believe.

The late star left the Scuzz Crew in the sound of silence with the information he divulged to us about Bob Dylan’s ball-sack. While it’s easy to imagine him as a poetic speaker who dives into the complexity of the world through his word and prose, he instead came off as a most peculiar man.

Paul Simon:

“Me and some tall untalented hack I used to work with were in the studio one Wednesday morning at 3 AM, working on some of the tunes that I wrote…by myself…when in walks none other than Robert (Bob) Dylan. I was astonished because he came in like a breeze from an open window on a winter’s day. I asked him ‘Are you lost?’ As a sort of joke, but I don’t think it came off that way, because Arty turned to me, like a complete bumbling idiot, and said ‘Paul, That’s Bob Dylan!” And proceeded to point with his skeleton-like fingers. Bob pulled out a note pad from his shirt pocket and hastily scribbled some stuff down before stuffing it away. He didn’t say a word to us, but he was mumbling under his breath and counting on his fingers...”

Scuzz News:

“When did you see his balls?”

Paul Simon:

“I’m telling a story here, so you’ve got to hear the whole thing before we get to that part. It's like a book, you know? Have you read one of those? It has a plot and a conclusion…so I get up to shake his hand, but he just stares at me. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks - this guy is tall so I only have to look down a little bit, and boy-howdy, there they are, Bob Dylan’s ball sack is just lounging out of his zipper like it’s on vacation. I blushed, I’m sure I did, and I look up and I say “Mr.Dylan your balls are hanging out of your pants.” He looked down and saw what I was talking about, and he calmly shoved them away and zipped up his pants. He did the same thing as before, scribbling some things down and mumbling, before turning around and walking out - he didn’t say a word! I was astonished…”

Scuzz News:

“What did his balls look like?”

Paul Simon:

“Well…jeez they were a weird sort of nuts, I can say that. You could tell he had hell of a bush growing under his drawers, and they were as wrinkled as a prune off a tree come summer. One of them was a big brother of sorts, much bigger! And it looked like it was all contained in one full wrap of skin if you catch my meaning - balls tend to hang and it looks like the sack is sort of loose, this looked like one entire unit. They were bigger than Arty's balls, I can say that much!"

Scuzz News:

“Have you met with him since? Any weird tension? Has he brought it up at all?”

Paul Simon:

“I'm like a mouse, you know? I scurry about trying not to be seen by the cameras and what not - Bob's like an elk or a deer in the same sort of way. I think mice and deer are similar animals, just with differing sizes. I think that says a lot about the world. My manager rung my telephone around the late 1980s or perhaps the early 90s - I can't remember at the time but he said to me 'Paul, I've got a great idea - How about a benefit concert with Bob Dylan and Neil Young?' - Tell me about a nightmare! I've seen Young's penis before, so sharing a stage with the fellas would make a whole unit! I told him I'd think about it..."

Scuzz News:

“Why come public with it now?”

Paul Simon:

“I think there's a time and place for everything. In the past I spoke on Billy Joel's lyricism and it's adolescent tone through his short-reaching themes. While I can criticize Joel, I don't think I have the same power nor status to comment on Bob Dylan's ability. His voice is like a silk worms silk, his playing from heaven - so really all I had left was to speak on his ball sack. It was quite weird looking and honestly I wish he'd show it off to the world on his stage."

While Paul feels a bit special to be a part of the lucky few to have seen the legends ball sack, a recent teaser has been released on Bobdylan.com showing a brand new album cover with Dylan half naked on the front of it. Scuzz Insiders speculate that he might do a ball-sack and even penis reveal on this album.