Study Shows Dogs Don't Like To Work

Everyone knows that one co-worker who walks into work everyday with an eager look and uncanny excited attitude. Your initial thought might be something along the lines of: "This guy ain't human!", because who the heck wants to work! Though that phrase might still stand, if you were looking to compare your fellow employees to dogs, then you might have to think again!

A study conducted by sophomore students at Pinedale Highschool in Wyoming started a buzz here at scuzz, as results produced from it have revealed a shocking fact: Dog's moight not like to work!

The group of 5 students in Ms.Errings assisted-learning Biology class conducted a series of tests to determine whether or not our furry friends react positively to particular fields of work. The study was conducted within the classroom setting between 6 different dogs of various breeds (Corgi, Chihuahua, Doberman, Golden Shepard, Golden Poodle, Dachshund). The students placed the dogs in various parts of the classroom that they classified as 'stations, A - F'. Each station was created to mimic a particular field of work (Plumber, Accountant, Taxi-Driver, Police Officer, Politician) The sixth station was a control station to simulate time off, and or unemployment. Each day, for six days (the sixth beginning on the Monday of the following week due to no school being held on weekends.) to produce a full cycle.

At the beginning of the test, each dog was guided to their respective station and was instructed to carry out a list of various tasks related to the stations career. The dog at the sixth station was free to do whatever he wanted. Once all tasks were completed, the dogs were supplemented with a pay of 10 small milk bones (or 5 large milk bones if the dog was above 50lbs) - if qualified, the unemployed dog could receive free bones.

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The Study

DAY 1:

Surprisingly, the dogs did not seem interested in nor were they successful in completing most tasks. Most of the dogs failed to remain at their respective station on the first day. The Shepard, who was a police officer, attacked the unemployed dachshund, and subsequently received the next day as paid-time off (5 milk bones), independent of the unemployed section, thus no dog filled the role of the accountant on the second day. Prior to the warranted attack due to the dachshund's aggressive demeanor, the dogs were roaming the classroom carelessly. The Golden Poodle, who was the politician dog, was silent about the attack.

DAY 2:

The role of politician was unoccupied, as the previous politician dog was unemployed and the Shepard was on paid leave. The dachshund, recovering from his (supposed) injuries, could not receive paid time off as he had just begun his plumbing position and did not yet qualify for health benefits. The Chihuahua failed to enter the large vehicle (for toddler sized humans). The Corgi, like the Chihuahua before him, was uninterested in the computer. The Doberman, attacked the Unemployed Golden Poodle and received the same benefits as the previous officer, though was to remain employed due shortages.

DAY 3:

The Doberman, who was now at the politicians station, left his post without finishing any tasks, and proceeded to raid the milk-bone fund jar. Due to his size and the offenders authority over him, the police chihuahua failed to react appropriately, responding to the situation by eating whatever scraps were left. The dachshund accountant, who did not seem to be paying attention to the laptop placed in front of him, had no control over the now void milk-bone fund and would leave the issue to be resolved by the next dog in his position.

DAY 4:

The Chihuahua, now placed in the role of politician, received major backlash from the rest of the dogs. The Chihuahua responded by viscously barking and running around rampantly. The dogs refused to cooperate any further throughout the day.

DAY 5:

All dogs were tired from the previous days trials. They mostly slept on the floor, only waking up for water from time to time. Trials past day 5 were canceled due to various unforeseen complications that formed during the tests.

The Results

a consistent figure of 83% of the dogs were deemed to view work as an unfavorable activity. This figure remained the same up until the fourth day of the study, where 100% of the dogs were considered to be 'not working'. The 17% (the 6th dog) was typically whatever dog that filled the police role, as the dogs were rewarded for bad behavior. 17% of the 83% (the unemployed dog) seemed to always enjoy the free time, and thus is a constant in the figure.

Concern of any particular dog's enjoyment while occupying political station was and still is up for debate, for while said subject could act in a similar vein to the police officer dog, they were less likely to be rewarded. This fact seems to explain why the doberman resorted to stealing the milk-bones in secrecy, leaving it to be the fault of the accountant.

Brain CAT-scans (lol) of the dogs before and after the study revealed a 28% increase in cortisol levels, attributing to the stressful environment the dogs might face while working. The quality of life of the dogs was not measured afterwards, but the students suggest that had the dogs been offered proper training as well as financial planning/advice, that such levels would have decreased post study.

All in all, workin' like a dog aint what it sounds like! So next time you complain that your pooch does nothing but lie around and eat kibble, remember that if he were in your shoes, he wouldn't be too happy either!

Scuzz is proud to thank Pinedale Highschool and the class of Ms.Erring for providing the resources used in this article.

Would you make your dog get a job to pay rent?